5 Steps to Deal with Lack of Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy in marriage is like a blessing from heaven and its lack is like a curse from hell. The very foundation of marriage is built on two factors that humans most crave for: stability and intimacy. We feel blessed in a happy marriage because it fulfills our need for a definite stability in a constantly changing world and it satisfies out desire for deep intimacy with our partner.

Many couples today are suffering from martial intimacy problems due to various reasons, the topper being lack of communication. Lack of intimacy in marriage can lead to severe consequences such as divorce and it can be a very painful and traumatic experience. Marriage without intimacy cannot last long and it’s deeply unfulfilling.

How to get intimacy back in your marriage?

In this article we seek to provide ideas and suggestion on renewing intimacy in your marriage. You cannot bring closeness back into your marriage without first resolving to make it happen. Without your intense desire to make your marriage work none of these ideas will be effective.

Here are five practical tips to resolving marital intimacy problems and increasing closeness.

1.) Drop off your ego – There is no place for personal ego in a relationship as intimate as marriage and yet most people never learn this. If you follow a “tit for tat” policy it won’t be long before your relationship starts crumbling. Forgiveness and understanding are the pillars of a successful relationship.

We all make mistakes and it’s quite normal to have off days when we are in a bad mood. Fights do happen in the most loving relationships but it’s your responsibility to sort it out as quickly as possible without letting your ego come in the way. Don’t always wait for your partner to apologize as this will only increase resentment between the two of you. Let go of your ego completely and be as unconditionally loving as you can be. There is no better mantra to get intimacy back in marriage – ego creates a wall of distance in the best of relationships.

2.) Surprise your spouse – Remember how you loved surprising your partner before marriage? Especially with those uncalled for gifts and outings. Couples, for some reason, start taking each other for granted after marriage and stop engaging in gestures of love.

When was the last time you cooked that special dinner and when did you last get that surprise gift for your spouse? The practical aspects of marriage like finances, home mortgages, jobs and child care can occupy our time so much that we forget to renew our intimacy on daily basis. Small loving gestures can go a long way in renewing intimacy in a marriage. Post a love note, give a surprise gift, take your spouse out on sudden vacation or just write him/her a love letter, all small ways of saying “I love you”.

3.) Initiate physical intimacy – Another mistake couples make is that they stop being creative in their expressions of physical intimacy. A new lingerie or just a surprise body massage can trigger some dying passion back into existence. You need to be willing to try new things and find ways to get more physically intimate on daily basis.

The bottom line always is that you should feel a genuine desire to satisfy your partner and physical intimacy is just one direct means of doing that. Deep love and caring often shows through in the act of physical intimacy.

4.) Go out on dates – Married couples don’t have to stop dating, in fact it is all the more important that they keep dating. If you fall into the rut of going off to work in a hurry and hit the TV as soon as you get back home, it won’t be long before lack of communication becomes evident in your relationship.

Make it a point to go out on a date at least twice a week to some nice restaurant, a beach, garden or just to a coffee house. Such outings will rekindle the passion you had when you were actually dating before marriage and it opens up new vistas for intimacy and helps you bond better in your marriage.

5.) Stop complaining and worrying – Problems are a part of daily living and you can’t ever hope to be done away with them. Your spouse is not a therapist to whom you doll out your everyday complains and tensions. Of course there is a time and place to sit and discuss some core issues and problems, but it’s best to keep the daily knick knacks and worries out of your communication. Talk romantic and fun as much as you can.

In conclusion, marital intimacy problems will arise in due course mostly because of the frantic pace of your life in today’s culture but it’s incumbent upon you to take responsibility for the lack of intimacy in marriage and take actions to resolve it. Your deep desire to share a fulfilling relationship with your partner is all that it takes to accomplish this.