Causes of Marital Affairs and How to Deal With It

If your spouse gets physically intimate outside marriage then he/she is having a marital affair – there may or may not be any emotional attraction involved. Marital affairs (also know as extramarital affairs) are the most common causes of divorce and it’s quite a traumatic experience for the victim.

The foundation of any marriage is loyalty and trust without which it cannot be sustained. In this article we seek to detail the signs and causes of marital affairs and how to deal with them.

What are signs of marital affairs?

Depending on the type of extramarital affair your spouse is into, one-night stand or an emotional attraction, the signs might differ. The commons signs are as below.

Your spouse starts behaving distant – If your partner is having an extramarital affair it would immediately show in their behavior unless they are really good at pretending. You might notice a certain awkwardness in the way they touch you or talk to you. There might also be the tendency to avoid or ignore you.

Excuses turn out to be lies – This is usually how your spouse would get caught red handed and is a tell tale sign your spouse is having an extramarital affair. For instance, he/she might lie to you about being at office while you see him/her at a restaurant with the other person.

Physical intimacy reduces or is absent altogether – A definite sign of marital affair is the lack of sexual intimacy between the two of you. There would also be a reduction in the hugs, kisses and the usual snuggles that were quite common before. You will also notice a certain lack of warmth in they way they hold or touch you.

Causes of marital affairs

A fulfilling marriage usually leaves little room for infidelity, the various causes of marital affairs are mentioned below.

Lack of intimacy in marriage – Sometimes our day to day problems take up so much of our attention and time that we fail to realize the lack of intimacy that has crept into our relationship. Marriage needs to be worked at continuously to keep it healthy or else it dies off slowly but surely. If your spouse feels a lack of love and care inside the marriage there is a possibility that they will start searching for it outside.

Resentment against spouse – There are instances when a spouse gets too dominating or controlling which leads to the build up of resentment towards him/her. An extramarital affair becomes a channel of venting such frustrations.

Jealousy towards spouse – Miscommunication can lead a spouse to doubt the loyalty of the other. This jealousy can lead to them indulging in an extramarital affair, like a “tit for tat” policy.

Plain physical attraction – Mostly the cause of extramarital affair is just pure physical attraction or lust – this is especially true for men. There is a lot of guilt associated with such an affair because they are still emotionally attached to their spouse.

How to deal with marital affairs

Once the extramarital affair comes up in the open beyond the shock and trauma of it there lies a need to deal with it.

Attend marriage counseling together – Several couples have found it helpful to attend counseling to get their differences sorted out. You will find this step useful if the both of you are genuinely interested and desirous to continuing your marriage. Give counseling a try as it might help you reconnect with your partner at completely new level.

Plan on separation – This might be the most obvious recourse especially if your spouse is emotionally attached to the other person. A one night stand can be forgiven and gotten over but an emotional attraction usually means end of the road for your marriage. It is helpful to get the assistance of your friends and close relatives, especially your parents and siblings, to cope with this tough phase in your life.

Forgive and start afresh – If an extramarital affair took place purely under the influence of lust or impulsiveness, there is room for forgiveness and a vista for starting your relationship afresh from ground zero. This solely depends on your emotional state and willingness to forgive; it also depends on how genuinely your spouse regrets the affair.

If you pay heed to the causes of marital affairs you can works towards avoiding it. When you notice signs of marital affair in your relationship, it is best to confront the situation head on and deal with it while staying in control of your emotional state.