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Divorce Survival Guide for Women - Dealing With the Emotional Trama of Divorce
Divorce is a very painful process because it breaks you emotionally. A woman commits herself emotionally to a marriage and a divorce destroys her whole world. In most cases the woman feels betrayed, empty, used and desolate. Dealing with a divorce is further compounded by children because in the majority of the cases the woman takes upon herself the emotional protection of her children.
You Can Survive A Divorce
Divorce is a messy job. However, as in every bad situation positive handling is the key to survival. Divorce too, can be handled with small constructive steps.The Dos
Help children understand - it is devastating for the children to learn that their parents are divorcing. However, if they are involved at the very beginning, it would be easier for them to accept the situation. They need to understand that divorce does not mean they would be loved any less by either of the parents. If the father is abusive, the mother should point out that safety and peace is more important than living together. Most children are more aware of the bottom line that you would think. However, all children want to have their parents together and if it possible to show a united front even in divorce, the children would be benefited emotionally.
Take care of your health - the divorce being a highly traumatic situation, you would tend to skip meals, neglect your health and mostly mop around. Remember, this is not the end of the world though it seems as it is. There is life beyond divorce, there is life beyond broken relationship and you are a survivor and not a victim. You need to pay attention to yourself so you have the mental and physical strength to take the right decisions when it is needed during the process of the divorce.
Do not make hasty promises or give up your rights - you are entitled to alimony and a share of the total marital property. Do not give up your rights in a fit of guilt or because you feel "you could never take anything from him". Let the course of the laws take its course. Sometimes it is easier to walk away fast so you cut off the hurt that comes from interaction - but this is required. It is needed that you keep your head and let the lawyer do his/her job in getting what you are entitled for.
Plan a new life carefully - the most painful part of the divorce is the change in your day-to-day routine. You must have been used to be dependent for certain things on your spouse. You need to change your priorities and routine bit by bit. You might consider to move out for sometime if possible so you could re-arrange your thoughts and mental frame. If you can relocate do it. Otherwise, start with having and developing new friends, new hobbies, etc. Set small achievable goals in changing routine such as learning to drive, taking up a challenging job, etc.
Try to accept that life is unfair - you might be facing divorce after one year or after 10 years of your marriage. You might feel that you have invested too much emotionally, physically and financially and the hurt could be crippling. Accept that life in unfair and that you would need to face a lot of things that are seemingly unfair. Keep in mind that there is life after divorce and life can again be beautiful and rewarding.
The Don'ts
Do not ask children to choose - it is very traumatic for children to see their parents fight and the divorce is a big blow emotionally. Do not compound it by asking them to choose one parent over the other. You need to talk things over and decide the custody of the children keeping in mind their emotional attachment and best interests. Even in case you and your spouse do not agree, and await the verdict of the court for the custody - try to keep a balanced façade in front of the children.
Do not wait for that vindicating apology or patch up call - this happens in movies. In real life things do not work out that way. Your spouse might never really realize your worth nor acknowledge it. Do no wait for that - move on.
Do not blame yourself - it might be your fault and it might not. However, once you have come to divorce, let bygones be bygones. Do not go on the guilt trip. You deserve to be happy ad if you do not have that happiness in the relationship with your spouse it is okay to look for it elsewhere. Divorce is not a personal failure. It might be a judgment failure, it might be miscalculation in the relationship - but it definitely not your failure.
Life can be beautiful again. You can find happiness again. You can fall in love again. You can be whole again. Give yourself a chance to do so. Keep in mind - there is life after divorce and you are a survivor not a victim.
Dealth with a Divorce? Send in your thoughts and experiences for others to read and benefit