 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
How to Deal with a Jealous Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Spouse?
by Staff Writer
Let’s accept it - jealousy is human nature and it is a part and parcel of every relationship. In fact a little bit of jealousy is essential for a healthy relationship. But there are extreme cases when things start getting out of hands.
Why Does Jealousy Arise?
Extreme jealousy arises in a relationship because of high levels of insecurity. People who are insecure in a relationship constantly think up negative ideas that their partner does not love them and that the partner will eventually dump them for someone better looking or intelligent or for some other sought after traits that they presumably lack. And how did this person become so insecure all of a sudden? Here are a few reasons:Childhood Upbringing: People who were rejected as a child by their parents or peers become insecure adults who suffer from low self esteem and low self confidence. They constantly seek acceptance and once they receive acceptance from a suitable partner they become clingy. They cling on to the relationship and do their perceived best to ensure that the relationship does not fall apart.
Bitter Past Experiences: People can also become jealous because of past experiences with their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. For instance, their partner cheating on them which made them feel extreme amounts of hurt. This causes them to be overly possessive of their current partner to ensure the past situation does not repeat so they do not have to deal with similar painful feelings.
These are the two major reasons why jealousy is born. Both men and women can suffer from this syndrome.
Jealous feelings can be triggered in a person by things that might seem totally insignificant to a normal/secure person. For instance, there have been instances of women becoming extremely jealous to the extent of shouting at their male partner just because they thought the male was staring at another woman. The same holds true for men as well. There are men who get jealous if they find their girlfriend or spouse talking or even looking at other men.
So How Do You Deal With a Jealous Girlfriend or Boyfriend?
As mentioned earlier in this article it is clear that it's not the jealous person's fault that he gets feelings of jealousy. He or she is just a victim of circumstances. Would they have enjoyed a better level of acceptance from their parents or did not have bitter past experiences which caused them a lot of pain, they would be as normal as everyone else. But this was not the case and they are not to blame for what happened. So the best way to deal with the situation would be to help this person cope with his feelings. Let us look at how this can be achieved:Ways to Deal with a Jealous Boyfriend or Husband
Let's look at the following example before getting started:Alex works as a manager for a software firm and is going steady with his co-worker Clara. No one in the office knows about their relationship. Matt who works in the same office is a handsome well-built guy whom Clara is an assistant to. It’s natural that Matt and Clara have to interact with each other in the office to get work done. She calls up Matt whenever she has a problem with office work and so does Matt. From his cabin, Alex cannot listen to what they talk but he can see them. He gets furious every time he sees the both of them together especially when he sees them laughing and chatting instead of concentrating on their work. Sometimes the anxiety levels increase so high that he walks up-to them to find out what they are doing or calls Matt into his cabin to give him some odd work. He also tries to track their chat conversations and checks her phone for text messages (that she has sent) without her knowledge.
At home Alex absolutely hated every time Clara mentioned how helpful Matt was to her. All this time Alex never reveals his true feelings about Matt to Clara. He just plays it cool.
One fine day Matt finds to his dismay that the boss had fired him for indiscipline. Matt has no idea what he did wrong. Upon investigation Clara finds that Alex had raised a false complain against Matt to the Boss about how Matt was wasting time at work and how he smuggled company secrets to competitors. Clara becomes extremely furious when she comes to know about this. She resigns her job and wows never to talk with Alex again. For Alex his worst nightmare had come true - his relationship with Clara had come to an end.
In the above example, what Clara did was natural. Alex was responsible for getting Matt fired because of his insecurities. But the question to ask here is 'was there a possibility of averting this situation?' The answer is yes. Let’s find out how.
Signs That Your Boyfriend is Acting Jealous
Remember that men might try to hide their jealous feelings initially as most fear that as soon as a woman is aware of these feelings she will desert him. These feelings will come out all of a sudden in the form of anger when they are no longer able to control them.Here are some signs to lookout for:
- Your boyfriend keeps track of where you are, whom you are with and what you are doing. He might even blame you often times of flirting with other guys
- He gets extremely angry or does not appear comfortable when you talk with other men and generally tries to get you away from them by making excuses
- He acts overprotective and does not like the idea of you going out with your friends
- He hates the idea of meeting your guy friends and considers all of them losers
- He spy’s on your phone messages and online activity
- He randomly comes to your apartment just to check if you are alone or with some guy
- He tries to isolate you from your friends by using pressure
Measures to Deal With The Situation
1.) Reassure Your Boyfriend: Once you start realizing that your boyfriend is acting jealous, you should try and talk matters through. In most cases, guys just need an assurance that their girl is devotedly in love with them and nobody else. So if you really like your boyfriend and want to keep the relationship strong; start by reassuring your boyfriend or husband that how special he is to you. But don’t do this with a casual attitude. Always mean what you say. After all he is your boyfriend and there should be a reason why you choose him over others.For instance, just saying ‘I love you’ is not going to work. Your boyfriend would have gotten used to hearing this phrase so it becomes just another thing for him. Men love hearing stuff like ‘you look hot today’, ‘I miss you’, ‘you are my sexy man’, something in that line. You get the idea.
2.) Build his Confidence Levels: Your boyfriend is jealous because he perceives other men as a threat. In other words, there are a lot of things that he hates about himself. For instance, he might think that he does not have the right fashion sense, or that he is not intelligent enough, or that he is not wealthy enough or that he does not have what it takes to keep you happy, the list just goes on and on. So the best way you can help him is by helping him become more confident about himself. Stand up for him and show him how special he is to you. Surprise him with a personalized hand made gift and tell him how many days it took for you to finish it.
The goal is to make your boyfriend love himself. Help him remove the grudge that he holds inside against his own self by teaching him how to love.
3.) Do Not Fight: Fighting with your boyfriend on how he is acting silly and overly suspicious will only make matters worse. This is a sure shot way of ending a relationship. Your goal should be to try and understand why your boyfriend is feeling this way and then work out a solution that both of you can agree to.
4.) Set The Rules: Both of you can set some ground rules on what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in your relationship. Once you have mutually agreed to these rules, stick to them.