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Understanding Loneliness and Learning to Cope With It



What Is Loneliness? Loneliness is a negative feeling. This feeling is experienced by everybody at one time or other in some measures. This is okay – coping with loneliness is a part of the up-and-down emotional make up every person has. However, you might all of a sudden feel extreme loneliness when a loved one dies, when children leave the parental home, when you divorce or have a break-up and so on.

In other words, loneliness is a feeling of not belonging any more.

Symptoms Of Loneliness

Since loneliness is a negative feeling it is usually accompanied by negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, decrease of self-worth, decrease in self-confidence, gradual or sudden loss of vitality, loss of will to do anything pleasurable, anger, irritability, self-denial, helplessness, hopelessness among others. Many people do not know how to deal with loneliness.

For coping with loneliness it is very important that you are able to recognize these symptoms and reach out for help. The sooner you reach out for help the faster you could overcome the feeling of loneliness. Remember, this is a negative feeling which is harmful both to the mind and body.

Negative Effects of loneliness

Effects of loneliness on the brain and body – unless you learn how to deal with loneliness it affects the body and mind negatively. Given the symptoms described above, the person would be prone to acute depression and even suicidal tendencies. The mind attacked by the negative feelings would influence the different chemical reactions in the body resulting in:
  • gastric problems such as heartburn, peptic ulcers, indigestion
  • loose motions, constipation
  • lack of appetite or the opposite voracious appetite
  • sleeplessness
  • continuous anxiety
  • memory loss
Most people need a little prodding and help from their loved ones for overcoming loneliness. Sometimes however, this develops into chronic loneliness, i.e. loneliness which totally resists all attempts to help. This type of loneliness would need specific psychological treatment from a professional. Hypnotism and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) are two methods that could be of great help with chronic loneliness.

Epidemic Loneliness?

Loneliness is more widespread than you would like to believe. Sometimes, people experience loneliness even in the presence of all their family. This is because we live in a disjointed society where there is not enough quality time spent within a family to homogenize feelings, future plans, fears and share joys. The result is epidemic loneliness. This can be combated if communication is given sufficient importance in the family, at work place and in every relationship. Emotional dependability ironically is the best medicine for loneliness. However, this does not mean clinginess – rather a safe sounding board of your feeling and beliefs with one or more people.

Epistemic Loneliness?

Epistemic loneliness refers to loneliness that comes from the core relationships and values. This refers to the self-conservation or auto-protection of self. There is an inherent need for understanding and accepting oneself without which no healthy relationship can be maintained. Hence, any malfunction at this level would result into epistemic loneliness.

Aloneness and Loneliness are Two Different Things

There is a great difference between feeling alone and feeling lonely. When you are feeling alone – it means you have no company. This could be physically true, i.e. there is nobody else present around you and this could be figuratively true, i.e. when no one else share your views in a group of people. In both ways you would feel alone.

When you feel lonely – this usually has very little to do with how many people are around you. This is an inner feeling of disconnection and it is usually the result of an emotional trauma. Here psychological treatment would be needed to learn how to deal with loneliness.

Why Do People Find It Difficult To Admit That They Are Lonely?

One of the most prominent symptoms of social emotional loneliness is that you feel disconnected from people. You also experience low self-esteem and a feeling hopelessness. It is difficult for people in such a frame of mind to believe they deserve better and hence, they do not reach out for help or even admit that they feel lonely making overcoming loneliness extremely difficult.

Most people feel that admitting to social emotional loneliness is admitting to helplessness and hence imposing on others, or worse asking the pity of others so they could feel better.

Loneliness Can be Healthy!

Every coin has two faces – and so does loneliness. If recognized in time and handled right, the cure for loneliness can be a great tool of change of attitude and outlook towards life. For many people it takes a great emotional shock such as the death or departure of someone loved to understand the positive side of loneliness – i.e. reaching out inside yourself for self-sufficiency and reaching out to loved ones for a healthy emotional contact.

Constructive Ways To Deal With Loneliness

The cure for loneliness lies first in the recognition and acceptance of the fact that you are lonely. Only then you could take any or a combination of the following steps:
  • Sending right signals to people – reach out to your loved ones and rebuild the emotional contact – even if they live far away from you. Share your thoughts, your feelings, your fears and your future plans. Stay connected with those who matter in your life. It is important that you feel important in other people’s life as you feel that they pay attention and care for you
  • Stimulate your sense of curiosity - develop a hobby, learn something new, challenge yourself out of the emotional inertia that has taken over you. In case you miss your spouse of a loved one who died, do something in their name as this would make feel connected to them
  • Reach out as a volunteer – the best cure for loneliness is to help another person fight it. Try to do your best in helping others on how to deal with loneliness. This is by far the best way you could fight your own inner demons




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