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A Woman's Guide to Dealing with Domestic Abuse
It is unfortunate indeed that the person you once love would turn around and terrorize you. For many women this concept is so unpalatable that they deny it exists by making excuses for their spouse or partner's behavior. However, domestic violence is true and unfortunately affects millions of women every year.
What The Statistics Say On Domestic Abuse
According to the American Institute of Domestic Violence 95% of the domestic abuse victims are women. There are more than 5 million women abused every year and domestic violence is one of the most common causes of injury to women. A shocking find is that about 1300 women are killed every year by the men they love.The statistics point to the fact the women in the 20-34 age brackets are the most vulnerable, closely followed by adolescent girls. Most of women are killed by abusive partners when they attempt to leave the relationship and escape. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics women are about ten times more likely to get hurt in domestic violence than men.
These statistics are only representing what has been already reported. Unfortunately what is reported makes for a small fraction of the total domestic abuse that is perpetrated. Estimates are that for every case reported there could be three to five unreported ones.
Indicators That 'Something' Is Wrong - Signs of a Domestic Abuser
Fortunately there are clear indicators that might tell you that something is not right early in the relationship. Women could identify these signs and cut off the relationship before it reaches to a point of no return. Some of these indicators are:
He is cutting you off from your friends and family directly and indirectly He is overly possessive and needs to know who you meet and where you are all the time He disapproves of anything that you do without taking his 'permission' before He is not happy about your professional success/ personal popularity He flies into a rage over small things He does not take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in the house or outside the home He totally ignores your feelings and opinions He does not care about your feelings and hurts you in public or in front of your friends He is likely to be cruel with animals He underplays his behavior and the fact that he is abusing you as an exaggeration or your overreactionLook up this list - though this is not really exhaustive, it definitely is indicative that something is seriously wrong in the relationship. It is important that you recognize this early and then either back out from the relationship or at least ensure that you have a way to exit fast in case this gets aggravated into full blown domestic abuse.
You need to understand that domestic abuse has a vast coverage. This could take many forms. It is not necessarily only physical abuse. Emotional abuse is as bad as and at times even worse than physical abuse because the emotional abuse leaves very deep scars - sometimes for life.
What Could the Reason for Domestic Abuse?
You could never say why exactly domestic abuse happens. In most cases the man (though in some places women too play the domineering role) needs total control and often this gets compounded by the submissiveness of the partner. This is why it is very important to recognize the signs early and be prepared for the next phase of domestic abuse.Some people have the problem of handling alcohol - and become problematic only when they abuse it. Some people are abusive by nature. Both are equally dangerous. The dominating nature would have its roots somewhere deep in the psyche of the person.
It could be a broken house; it could be insecurity and personal failure; it could be an deep seated inferiority complex - whatever it might be, it is a sickness which cannot be handled by the victim alone. Contrary to popular belief, love and support does not solve domestic abuse. The perpetrator would never see the love as love but submission and he (or she) would build on it, increasing the domination.
Possible Implications of Domestic Abuse
The person who suffers from domestic abuse almost always blames themselves for it. In many cases the persons believe they deserve it. In other cases they are afraid that non-compliance would terminate the relationship and they cannot handle the thought of a change. You would be surprised how many women stick to a bad relationship because they are not comfortable with the change that the future would bring.How To Protect Yourself From Domestic Abuse
First of all learn to recognize the signs of domestic abuse as early as possible. If you find your partner too domineering and trying to control your life, then there is something wrong. You need to lay down clear lines regarding your relationship with others (such as family and friends, colleagues, etc) and if such things are not acceptable to your partner very carefully review the future of such a relationship.You also need to understands and internalize that you are entitled to respect, love and care. Even in the worst of situations, no person has the right to abuse you physically or emotionally. Respect yourself and do not allow undue domination.
In case you are caught in a domestic abuse situation - do not challenge the abuser. Act submissive and plot your escape very carefully. Obtain proof if possible like taping or video recording abuse with hidden equipment. If hurt physically, ask the doctor to record it as abuse. Go to the police and file for constraint order.
Children And Domestic Abuse
Teach the children to stay safe when such abuse happens. There are many instances when children are badly hurt or killed when they try to save their mother from abuse. Domestic abuse can be horrific on children and the best you could do to protect them is leave the relationship as early as possible. Police and close trusted friends or relatives would be the best recourse in this case.Send in your stories related to domestic abuse and how you dealt with it.